Have you ever found yourself caught in a situation where you feel completely misunderstood? I cringe in those moments. I want to be seen for the woman I am, the gifts and talents I possess, but sometimes, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes, I’m dismissed before I even have a chance to explain myself.
Isn’t it encouraging to know that Jesus understands? He was measured against others’ expectations and then shamed and rejected for not fitting the mold—just as we often are.
The truth is that unfair expectations of women have contributed to a culture of shame throughout history. Women who’ve spoken up or bucked cultural norms of their times have often faced undue ridicule. Even today women in the third world, developing world, and western world are often given an unspoken set of expectations and limitations. Unsaid expectations concering marital status, appearance, ability to birth children, and professional endeavors are often subject to judgment. If a woman doesn’t fit the social norms of her society, she is frequently shamed for her behavior by other women, men, and onlookers who don’t know the heart of the very woman they are choosing to shame. In our broken world, a woman’s age, class, race, and appearance still largely determine who society says she can and cannot be or what she can and cannot do—even in the West. Regardless of her skill or acumen, a woman is often judged, rejected, and shamed—whether in government, business, entertainment, education, or ministry—simply for being a woman. And when these unspoken expectations placed by media, broken systems, and ideals aren’t met, she’s sometimes unduly punished. She can be rejected by friends for professional aspirations or by co-workers for family aspirations. She may face scrutiny by outsiders observing a life they don’t understand. And sometimes in her own home she may be shamed by a distant, disrespectful, or abusive husband.
When I was newly married, a door-to-door salesman knocked on my door and pitched his goods. In our short conversation, he asked what I did for a living. When I told him I served in ministry, his face turned sour and, without hesitation, he lectured me on why, as a woman, I was weak and unable to carry out the Good News of Jesus. The stranger on my doorstep assured me I was wasting my life as a young minority woman. He drove his point home as he said, “You are unfit. You aren’t a man but you’re trying to do a man’s job.” I stood speechless as he scolded me. My failure to meet his expectations, as a woman, was enough to shame me at my front door. After I gathered my thoughts, I interrupted his spiel and said, “I know who I am in Christ.” That was it. No lengthy explanation. No excuses.
Adapted from the six-week Bible study Never Alone: 6 Encounters with Jesus to Heal Your Deepest Hurts, Tiffany Bluhm, Ó 2018 by Abingdon Press. All rights reserved.