Baby wearing. I am trying to act like I’m a run of the mill amazon woman while I wear my baby but I am fooling NO ONE. The first time I ever attempted to wear my baby in an effort to calm him down I realized I couldn’t sit down with him on. I am 5’1 and the baby wearing device of choice was pretty big. There I was with the baby still screaming but attached to me. Then it hit me… it will take a hot minute to get this plump muffin out of here before I can sit down or use the bathroom. I decided to hold out until the last minute hoping he would get used to it and he certainly did. He wasout cold drooling on my chest and I was committed for at least the next 45 minutes of my life. That was the longest 45 minutes. I can tell you exactly what I was wearing and how I chose to spend my time… upright. At one point I leaned against a wall to try and get some relief. My first time as a baby wearer was challenging but soewhat successful. Round two was not nearly as fruitful. I chose a wrap rather than a strapped unit. It took me just shy of seven years to wrap it on me after a youtube tutorial and then I was convinced he would suffocate. I freaked myself out so bad that I took him out. After a few more tries I gave up the baby wearing for some time.
Some time had gone by and I decided to hand over the baby wearing responsibility to my capable husband. I hatched a plan to take the whole family grocery shopping and as soon as we arrived I would help my husband cuddle with our baby in a front pack. We got the baby snug and strapped, and the older one in his stroller. We were feeling pretty pleased with ourselves. Only five minutes in to our grand shopping trip our baby blasted his pants more than once. Since the front pack was so snug it went out the sides. He soaked the leg of his onesie and my husband’s legs as well. I only packed a single diaper and wipes since we hadn’t planned on spending too terribly long at the grocery store but long enough for my baby to lose every last ounce of poop stored in his tiny frame. It was potent and bright yellow atop a white onesie. Since I wasn’t the one covered in human feces the only thing I could muster the courage to do was laugh. My husband’s eyes grew big as I assured him we could speed shop and then figure out what to do with the baby. Yep, we kept shopping. We are crazy like that.
After pork shoulder, cilantro, almond milk, and a slew of other yummies made their way into my cart we faced the task of stripping our baby down and finding our way home. A bagger felt sorry for Derek and offered to help him take the groceries to the car. After he further realized our dilemma he went back into the store to fetch plastic bags, many plastic bags. Here’s where the fun really started. We had to derobe our baby while keeping as much poop off of the car seats as possible. Thanks to a few plastic bags and a onesie we were willing to part with we accomplished the impossible. We threw a blanket over the baby while he babbled in the car seat with his bib and a diaper. As we drove home Derek swore off babywearing until he could bleach the poop stains out of his pants. I know it’s convenient and I am getting the hang of the hip sling but GOODNESS baby wearing is no joke.
Easy Breezy Blowout Baby