I have something to tell you. I’m convinced it’s totally ok when we have no idea what we are doing. I think it’s ok when life takes us by surprise, when our well laid plans end up in a heap on the floor. I think it’s just fine when life takes a turn and you turn right with it. I really think it’s ok. So many of my plans have been blown to bits in favor of the here and now, in favor of the better, of the sweeter, and the more difficult.
This morning I was reading a devotional by Shauna Niequist in her book, Savor, and she wrote,
I should have written in pencil. i should have viewed the trajectory of my life as a mystery. I should have planned lightly, hypothetically, and used words like “maybe” and “possibly.” Instead, every chance I got, I wrote in Sharpie. I stood on my future, on what I knew, on the certainty of what life would hold for me, as though it were rock. Instead, it’s more like a magic carpet, a slippy-slidy-wiggly thing, full of equal parts play and terror.”
I love this. I love the whimsy of it all. My season with little ones demands constancy in a way that stretches me just like motherhood should, but even within what I thought would be a predictable season, I’ve found pencil living. I’ve found new dreams, new understanding, new vision, and nothing as I thought it would be. Everything I had expected is gone. All that is left is Jesus. He does that. If we feel like we have it all figured out he reminds us who is in control.
We shouldn’t be surprised when trials or terror make their way into our story, they always will. While hard times are no surprise in this life, I think I’m most surprised by unmet expectations. Maybe I thought I would be doing something different, somewhere different, with different people. While I’m immeasurrably blessed to do life with the people I do, and serve where I do, I’ve fought off with a broom those pesky thoughts that look to minimize the story I’m living. We all should. If guilt for feelings of not-enough knock down our door may we answer them with the lovingkindness of Jesus. When frustration over failure drops our heads low, let’s remember who is really in control, let’s remember our stories are a mystery, a wondrous mystery.
May we live full, sweet, and sometimes gritty lives, where we are, as we are.
Proverbs 16:1-9 in The Message reads,
1 Mortals make elaborate plans,
but God has the last word.
2 Humans are satisfied with whatever looks good;
God probes for what is good.
3 Put God in charge of your work,
then what you’ve planned will take place.
4 God made everything with a place and purpose;
even the wicked are included—but for judgment.
5 God can’t stomach arrogance or pretense;
believe me, he’ll put those upstarts in their place.
6 Guilt is banished through love and truth;
Fear-of-God deflects evil.
7 When God approves of your life,
even your enemies will end up shaking your hand.
8 Far better to be right and poor
than to be wrong and rich.
9 We plan the way we want to live,
but only God makes us able to live it.
Let our plans be fluid, our hearts read for what may come, and our trust rooted deep in the peace and grace of Jesus.
Love this!!