While recently talking to a close girlfriend we discussed how vital it is to know the man you spend your life with BEFORE he puts a ring on it. I have a fair amount of single ladies in my life and for FREAKS SAKE have some sort of advisory board and list you run this buster through. We’ll call it the single ladies list.
While you make your own dandy list of traits while daydreaming about Mr. McHunky consider the list below. Why? You ask. Why is a list so flippin’ important? You have to do dishes with this guy for 50 years, you have to raise other humans with him, good idea to know what he is all about before you are picking out succulents for the window sill and arguing about who gets the last tater tot off your kid’s plate.
So this one is for the single mamas and single ladies alike…
Boo must be:
-Stable
-Dependable
-Selfless
-Expressive of love and devotion and affirmation of me
-desire and initiate prayer time together
-Partnership mindset
-Willing to sacrifice for our best
-Solid love for Jesus
-Emotionally expressive, romantic, demonstrative in gifts and gestures
-Loves travel
-Hardworking and diligent
-Humble and committed to authentic faith expression
-Passionate about the least of these
-Informed about important issues of faith, culture and practice
-Strong convictions
-Has wise mentors
-Good friendships
-Supportive of my life, dreams and passions
-Fun to be around
-Secure
-Confident but not arrogant or cocky or unhealthily charming/too flirtatious
-Mature
-Mutual philosophies on family, life, faith
-Good match of gifting and personality to me
-Not afraid to pursue me, or if he is, he still does diligently
-Intentional
-Follows through
-Servant-hearted and co-creates our home to be a place of refuge and community
-Quirky, non-boring sense of humor
-Knows how to lead me in humility, with true authority, not demanding
-Flexible, but determined
-Honest and passionate about destroying shame and being vulnerable
-Present, not distracted
-Sense of hope and promise about life
-Wrestles with faith but is committed to Kingdom
-Not uptight or judgmental
-Longing for growth
-Contentment
-Desire to accomplish our life pursuits together
-Finds joy in giving
-Non-pretentious and unassuming
-Easy to be around
-Curiosity about me, to study and know and understand and best love me, an interest in where I’ve come from and what makes me me
-A good fit with my friends, family and those I aspire toward community with
-Believes in me and champions my dreams and who I’m created to be in the world
-Not intimidated by pressure, but a strong, valiant, brave heart
-Lives courageously and simply
-Communicates honestly and deeply loves people
-Priorities are not questionable- pure character
-Committed to living a great story
-Good, healthy, strong boundaries
-Unafraid to affirm and show affection
-Intelligent and wise
-Disciplined
-Great with money
-Generous
-Compassionate and empathetic
-Great listener
-Good conversationalist, good question asker, puts people at ease
-Is clear about his priority of me
-Has a real interior life and understands own mind, processes, doesn’t stuff emotions or explode
-Doesn’t live for convenience and pursue insignificant things
-Doesn’t force me to drag him along, but wants adventure together
-Mature and healthy with conflict
-Sensitive and aware
-Not an approval addict
-Not a social media addict
-Not an attention addict
-Rooted and grounded in the love and grace of Christ
-Non conventional
-Not a perfectionist but practically helpful, takes
-Initiative to tackle projects and difficult conversations
-Walks in freedom and awareness of that blessing and former hindrances
-Is transparent
-Notices and pays attention to little things: dates, anniversaries, details, places that are significant to us and me and him
-Values my words and contributions to conversation
-Pays attention to me when with friends, wants to serve and be near
-Sentimental and soft-hearted
-Rugged and appreciates nature and beauty
-Writes notes and communicates love regularly
-Whimsical and cares about living a great story together
-Belief in God’s goodness and faithfulness
-Loves children, old people, friends, family, lingering
-Regularly shows me affection in various ways and reminds me he’s thinking of me
-Supportive always, even in disagreement
-Well respected
-Honoring in his lifestyle
-Not domineering or manipulative
-Knows who he is in Christ
-Gentleman and chivalrous (doors, chairs, pay, etc.)
-Plans actual dates
-Cares deeply about my wounds
-Believes in redemption and wants to be part of restorative/healing process
-Appreciates music
-Nurtures, loves and promotes my voice literally and figuratively
-True advocate for justice
-Not addicted to porn and not driven to vices
-Loyal
-Not given to gossip, believes the best in people
-Has discernment and trusts/honors my discernment
-Honors our differences
-Believes in women as different equals
-Not chauvinistic or misogynistic whatsoever
-Highly esteems and values women
-Brings dignity to others
-Christlike character
-Recognizes and respects my physical limitations with great love and sympathy
-Cares about and prioritizes and sacrifices for my needs
-Unashamed to value and honor me publicly and privately
-Cares about my experiences with romance, loss, sense of curse, feelings of worthlessness, knows and tends to wounds
-Doesn’t resent my restlessness or our differences that could polarize, sees as strength opportunities for us both
-Contributes to and reinforcer of the good in the world
-Makes the effort to come my way as a leader, takes initiative
-Not self entitled but self motivated toward growth, health, maturity
-Fruits of the spirit and Christ-like 1 Cor. 13 agape sacrificial love
-Hunger to understand my background influences and experiences
-Invests in mentorship
-Thoughtful and intentional
-Kingdom minded
-Not patriarchal
-Reader
-Loves history and exploring
-Appreciates architecture
-Willing/adventurous eater
-Loves exploring
-Loves cultures
-Loves eating out, enjoys little luxuries
-Plans vacations and trips with and for me
-Loves to cook with me and for me
Now I know you are thinking this person doesn’t exist and maybe he doesn’t. What I do know is you have to think this through and when you create a list like the one above you will start to field your man from the get go which is a GOOD THING. Maybe your list isn’t this long, perhaps list 10 or 5 qualities that fit your man. Trust me, he walks the earth and while you are working on you, he is working on him assuming he is looking to become the man worthy of a fine lady such as yourself.
If you are wrestling with the feelings, “will someone love me?” remember that you are LOVED, CHERISHED, WORTHY, and BEAUTIFUL. There is no one like you and there never will be.
For now… get off Tinder and get a list.
No, no it’s not.
PS. If you’re a man who fits this list and wants to apply, we’d be happy to screen you for a deserving lady!
Have you seen how to survive a date after 25? You might want to check it out.
