Isaiah 61 and its message of freedom for the captive first resonated with me when I was seventeen. I did believe freedom was available and was found in Jesus, yet I could not shake the self-punishment of refusing freedom for myself while insisting on it for others. I did believe the scriptures, yet some parts did not add up. I could not convince myself that I, also, was loved just as I was. I felt I had to earn the love of Jesus.
Too many of us do this to our weary hearts. We assume we have to be good at something to be loved, even if what we are good at is marching after Jesus. For me, His unconditional love was at odds with the rejection I stuffed in the corners of my heart. He loved me, yes, but only if I was a good girl.
Some of us assure ourselves God will only love us if we stay in line. If we achieve. If we become something. Then we will be loved. We can do that. We can stay in line if it means we will be loved. We are persuaded by our doubts that He will provide opportunity, community, and most importantly, love, as long as we keep on our self-defined narrow path we build for ourselves. He is our conditional God with clauses and contracts we construct and then commit to honoring. If we fall out of line we work to earn His conditional love all over again. We discipline ourselves until we believe we are back in His good graces. We chalk up the good Lord to a scorekeeper, not an unconditional lover of our soul.
If we are to learn to love God with all our heart, mind, and soul then engaging our emotions must be a normal activity in our lives. Whether we’ve been told too many times that our emotions are liars or if we’re emotional we are weak women, it’s crucial to listen to the cries of our heart. We wouldn’t ignore a crying baby that badly needs tending to yet we do it to ourselves and wonder why we can’t think straight. Our heart is connected to our soul is connected to our mind. All of them are subject to God’s love and grace. His healing and redemption.
To accept the mysterious love of Jesus is to open our souls to His touch. This takes time and doesn’t happen overnight. Whatever state doubts leave us in is neither too lost nor too broken for the ways of Jesus. He is our Love. Patient. Kind. He keeps no record of wrongs. He is not irritable. He is never jealous. He won’t give up on us. Never. Ever. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) He will meet us in our doubt, curl up next to us, and hold us close. He knows we’re complicated. It’s never a surprise. He can handle it. Our emotions won’t overwhelm Him, trick Him, or hurt Him. We can unleash all of it to Him. He will heal us.
Adapted from the book Never Alone: Exchanging Your Tender Hurts For God’s Healing Grace, Tiffany Bluhm, Ó 2018 by Abingdon Press. All rights reserved. Available wherever books are sold.