As women, expectations have been placed on us since childhood. Some of these expectations damage and destroy the true image of God inside us, such as the instruction to be seen and not heard or the teaching that men are superior to women and women exist only to serve them. The result of failing to meet the expectations of others, whether stated clearly or left unspoken, is when shame takes center stage. We’re shamed by those around us, or we shame ourselves for not measuring up to the standards people have placed over us.
If we aren’t fit enough, skinny enough, tall enough, quiet enough; if we don’t have clear skin, a charming demeanor, a clean record, and a whip-smart mind—the world lets us know we don’t belong. We entertain the lie that perhaps we don’t have what it takes to be beautiful and happy, smart and successful, loved and accepted.
If we’re shamed by others because we’ve failed to meet their ideals, we resolve to fight harder, hungry for acceptance and value. And if Christ hasn’t broken the shackles of shame off our souls, we find ourselves in circumstance after circumstance contending for approval but left feeling disgraceful.
Or worse, we shame other women. Have you ever noticed that some of the most shameful remarks about women come from other women? If a woman has been shamed and hasn’t found freedom, she may find a false sense of control in shaming other women. It might happen on social media, around the dinner table, or on national television. We’ve all experienced it or witnessed it—or perhaps even instigated it ourselves. But when we shame another soul, we erode our own sense of dignity and value. It only serves to tear down what the Lord is trying to build between us: acceptance and belonging.
Just as Christ didn’t allow rejection to detour Him from the call of the Father, may you cling tightly to the truth of God’s Word and the call on your own life. Whether expectations come from the culture, those you love, or even those you don’t, may you filter them through the love and freedom of Jesus. While others may dismiss you simply for being the woman God created you to be, I pray that you will stand in freedom, kindness, and grace.
Excerpted from the six-week Bible study Never Alone: 6 Encounters with Jesus to Heal Your Deepest Hurts, Tiffany Bluhm, Ó 2018 by Abingdon Press. All rights reserved.