Date night is subjective, especially when little kids sleep in your house and call you “mama.” Every marriage seminar and relationship book encourages date night with your spouse, and while I think it’s a good idea in theory, those with little ones may find date night a little… difficult. While I’ve had some great nights out enjoying fine cuisine with the man I love some of our nights turn out a little differently.

Never fear, I’ve taken the time to compile this fool proof plan to get you out of yoga pants on the perfect date with your beloved husband.

Step 1: Feed small children so they are kind to whichever soul will watch them. Ensure enough chicken nuggets and lemonade are stocked so the little ones will be happy with your departure.

Step 2: Wrangle small children into pajamas free of holes or stains so the babysitter doesn’t judge your ability to parent.

Step 3: Get ready. Consider putting on pants that have a zipper and don’t stretch. Apply make up and don’t forget to dab extra concealer under your eyes so no one at the restaurant discovers how little sleep you actually live on.

Step 4: Give the list of do’s and don’ts to your babysitter and promise her rolled quarters and cinnamon roll bread pudding once your return.

Step 5: Strap on your sassy heels and take out extra diapers and wipes that take up half the space of your purse. Dig for lip gloss that you purchased 2 years ago and have worn approximately 4 times.

Step 6: Wave goodbye to your babies as you make your escape to the car. Remove french fries, art projects from preschool, and abandoned children’s socks from the seat so you can actually leave your garage.

Step 7: Yawn as you drive away and promise yourself not to fall asleep as you make your way to the restaurant.

Step 8: Arrive to the restaurant only to realize your husband forgot his wallet. Get back in car, go home, sneak in, grab it, and back in the car.

Step 9: Drive back to the restaurant only to discover you’ve missed your reservation and won’t be able to take pictures of your food and post them on the internet to prove you went on a date.

Step 10: Pick up street tacos from your favorite food truck and a slurpee from the 7-11. Make your way home and relieve the babysitter from her duties. Crawl into bed, eat tacos off of a styrofoam plate, and binge watch Fixer Upper until you both fall asleep.